Return of the Chicken

Return of the Chicken

Posted by Heather Harris

We are getting chickens this weekend. If anyone has read my old Harris Family blog, you will know that I have completely sworn off raising chickens for a multitude of very good reasons. They are stupid. They roost in very inconvenient locations. They turn out to be roosters, requiring gruesome executions. They get eaten by raccoons, coyotes, and dogs. They catch a cold and die. They have never produced one egg for the Harris household. We switched to ducks and have been perfectly content with that decision for the last five years. The problem is, our ducks have turned part feral in their new digs, and spend their time between our creek and the neighbor's five star pond resort, having wanton sex with who knows what other ducks and secreting their eggs away in hidden forest caches. Even if I found an egg, I would certainly not be eating it.

The Neighbor's Pond Resort

So, here we go again. We have tried to combat the past chicken issues with three new rules:

1. We will not name them after tragic Shakespearean characters. Rosencrantz, Guildenstern, and Ophelia didn't turn out so well (comedies are still in).

2. We are not getting chicks; only proven laying hens from my brother-in-law's girlfriend's brother's lovingly nurtured brood of blue ribbon winning beauties. Of course we're not getting the fair-worthy chickens, so they should have fairly low self esteem which I imagine is great for egg production. We wouldn't want vain hens spending all their time preening and parading around the chicken coop.

3. They will not be free range chickens. They would certainly find the neighbor's five star pond resort if that were to happen, then they'd roost in one of their trees, fall out because they are stupid and then get eaten by a coyote waiting eagerly below. No, they will be cooped, at least until one of the kids "accidentally" lets one out...


I will post some pictures of our new ladies when we get them on Sunday, but in the meantime, here are some mugshots of the not-so-lucky chickens from the past: